we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
