this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
