Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
