Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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