that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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