Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
