Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
