is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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