Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
