I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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