oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
