i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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