He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
