Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
