I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
