It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
