she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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