The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
