sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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