Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
