Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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