i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
