Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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