I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are we still banned from the library?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize