i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
