I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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