Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
