Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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