K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
