We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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