i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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