Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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