By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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