I'm pants shitting drunk right now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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