You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
