I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize