I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
