i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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