i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
