so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
