Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
