I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
