True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
