did you get engaged???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
