I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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