I need help removing her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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