I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my poor anus
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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