is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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