We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
