I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
