I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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