Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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