Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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