I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She's the barista slut.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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