There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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