weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
