You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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