Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
