Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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