oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
