AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
