Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
