My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize