we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize