it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
